Friday, January 4, 2013
Journal to Myself....teenager bewilderment, priceless
Last night, Eva-Marie was bewildered by me. She did not know what to make of her discovery. She questioned me as to why? My answer still did not satisfy her, and strangely she looked at me throughout the evening. She laughed a few times and joked. I know my answer did not make much sense but it was my honest to goodness reason.
Elizabeth was not quite as bewildered, but she was nonetheless.
Life has been stressful.
As I was going down the aisle of the store that I wish I never shopped in but yet continue to find myself within its walls parting with money, I came across the item that left Evie in bewilderment. I purchased said item because I thought, "why not?" "maybe this will give an ambiance of a relaxing evening?" I had no clue which brand or flavor to choose. Not one clue. I don't drink alcohol, not even wine, except for a very rare occassion. I just don't. I tend to not like the taste and frankly, why drink? I usually drink a liquid for the taste, caffeine or because I am thirsty. Coffee and water take care of those needs. Alcohol does not. It doesn't even fit my social drinking need -- coffee does.
I've witnessed too many people making an ass of themselves due to alcohol intake. I've witnessed the abuse of the liquid. I have no desire to spend my money on it; no satisfaction is gained, for me.
But yesterday, I thought, "why not?". So I chose based on product looks and price. And I actually thought that maybe some of my stress would be taken away.
That was then. Fast forward to the evening after a wonderful time out with my mom and two girls. The wine was unappealing; tasted good but did not call out to me to drink.
Seriously, wine for relaxation? So odd to me. Relaxation really translates into acquiring a buzz, odd. The thing is, getting a buzz or even drunk, may feel good for that moment. Truth is, that moment is fleeting and life stressors are still there waiting to be handled. I suppose, if wine was my social drink need then I probably would enjoy it. It doesn't though. Coffee seriously fills that role.
So yeah, Evie was bewildered. I confused her. My answer "why not?" "Relaxing ambiance wanted" did not seem plausible to her. I don't think she has ever witnessed me with drink in hand. If she has then it was in a social party gathering environment. I don't think she has ever witnessed me purchase alcohol, in her 17 years of life.
She was curious. She wanted to try a sip as did Elizabeth. I let them. I don't promote teenage drinking, not at all, quite the opposite. But a sip will not harm and helps dampen their curiosity, or so I hope. Elizabeth did not like it all. I think Evie thought it was okay.
I did not finish my small single serving bottle just because I desired no more. Evie requested to finish it, with a smile plastered on her face. She made a deal with me and talked about how responsible she is which she truly is. I allowed her to finish the little that was left.
Deal #1: go see Les Miserables with me. (The girls are playing half-day hooky from school next week to see the matinee showing of the movie with me. They are "A" students: can afford a few hours from school to spend timewatching a movie with me)
Deal #2: Stop using her favorite word that decreases the fact that she is quite intelligent and has the capabilities to use richer vocabulary.
I texted her before going to sleep to make sure she was fully aware to not drink anymore than I gave permission (the small amount left in the single-serve bottle). She replied back, "Wtf I'm not an alcoholic". Can you guess her favorite everyday vocabulary word? Yes, not good. I laughed when I saw her immediate follow up text - "What the foot". Yes, Evie, foot is much better than the other word.
The whole use of profanity is an issue. She thinks nothing of it. Maybe she does; knows it bothers me. I could be heavy handed with her, but truth is, profanity usage is an internal issue and not something I can control with external consequences. Some will disagree. I believe greatly in many things being a "heart issue" with people and especially with teens. The change needs to come from within. Not to say we ignore it, we dont, but grounding and taking away things (like what can be taken away) is not effective. The best I can do is pray (not my strong suit) and to model appropriately (I fail here greatly especially when mad steam starts pouring out of brain),And to point out to her that using those (that) words really do undermine her intelligence. I am not perfect and make mistakes; personally and with parenting. Teenagers - Evie - is not perfect either. She has many great qualities and a few deficits. The use of that one ugly word is a deficit. So yes, her follow up text of "What the foot." was humorous and also hopeful to me. Lest anyone who reads this journal entry think we are a profanity slinging household, be clear, we are not, but yes those words do cross my lips at times (mostly in moments of anger). A deficit in my character and ability to use richer words is being worked on, and slow changes are being made. Anyway.....
I doubt I will be purchasing anymore wine in the the near future. I doubt I will even drink the remaining 3 single-serving bottles even though I plan to have a Lord Of The Rings movie night tonight. What should I do with them, the unused bottles? Hmmm.
No point to this journal entry except to write down the bewilderment of my teenager, for memory keeping.
The purchase was worth the utter bewildered reaction from Eva-Marie and Elizabeth. That was priceless.
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