Sunday Post: Autumn is in full swing….

Wow. Time sure is moving along. It is hard to believe that it is November 1st. The holiday season is upon us…Thanksgiving will be here before I know it, and then Christmas. This autumn is certainly flying away, and the bummer part is that I have not been able to truly soak in the beauty of the season. I really need to get back to my daily photos. I need to for more reasons beyond the fact that I like photography. I need to because in a way, photography feeds my soul; gives me an eye to the world that I don’t have any other way, gives me peace, gives me documented memories...it helps me to pause, take a moment to soak in life.

What has kept me busy? Work, the kids, the house, and activities. More importantly, it has been my lack of adjustment to a new routine that has kept me busy. I have finally admitted to myself that I have a hard time with routine changes, and it seems that with each new school change (start, stop, etc) that it takes me a bit to adjust…weeks.

Several weeks back, I was able to see the Stanley Cup up close. The Cup made a visit to the hospital where I work, and I happen to be working on that day. It was cool to see, and made Robert pretty envious. I called him once I was back on my unit, and I do believe his first words to me were; “You dog!” Hahaha! The Cup was making the rounds throughout the hospitals within our corporation, Northshore University Healthcare System, which sponsors the Chicago Blackhawks. I do have a photo of me with the Cup, and I will post it once my manager remembers to email me the photo. hmmm… :)

I have been to IJ’s classroom twice, which is great, and eye-opening both times in different ways. Gradually, I will post more about IJ’s year.

Purdue Cyclocross…

On Oct. 30th, Benjamin competed in the Purdue Cyclocross race. It is a race that pretty much uses road bikes that are modified for off road races. Benji placed 6th out of 16, and would have placed 3rd if it were not for his bike chain falling off, and that occurred the last half of the last lap. Benjamin does not own a cyclo-cross bike; his Illinois State Cycling coach was able to find one for him to use in the race. I am pretty sure that owning a cyclo-cross bike is in his future. :)

Robert and I are very pleased, thrilled, and glad that Benji is apart of the cycling team. Robert loves bikes, he use to compete in BMX races, and still loves to cycle, and I have just found the passion so yeah…we are pleased. What we are most pleased about though is that Benjamin greatly enjoys cycling.

Halloween…we always have a blast, and this year was no exception.

Every year, we trick or treat over in my parents’ neighborhood; I grew up here. We rake in the candy, or I should say the kids’ rake in the candy. :D We treat over at my sister’s section of the neighborhood with her girls. This is a fun section as her neighbor goes all out with lawn decorations; each year is a theme, and this year was war/military theme, and very well done. Before we stopped over at my sister’s we paid a visit to my brother Darin’s home. He and his girlfriend were dressed up as Frankenstein, and a witch. They looked great, the kids’ loved it with the exception of GD. She did not care too much for Uncle Darin’s costume; she would not go near him at all. After my brother and sister’s neighborhood sections, we trick or treated around my parents’ section, but this year we did not make it around the block as the little ones were tiring out plus it was a bit cold. I should add, after the initial one road walk, the older girls along with their friends are allowed to go around the neighborhood by themselves. After our trick or treating we have always have dinner that my Mom has prepared. Very yummy Pumpkin soup and salad is our traditional dinner. This year we also had a pumpkin cake, and my Mom made a chicken stew too. It was all very super yummy. The kids were tired especially IJ and GD. A good day indeed.

And I must add…. my Alice in Wonderland…

How was your October? Are you looking forward to November? Anything special on the horizon?

Song of the Week: (You Want To) Make A Memory

I will admit, I had another song all ready to go for today’s post, but last night while I was obsessively making YouTube playlists, I found myself totally back in love with Bon Jovi. The thing is, Bon Jovi and I (like I know him…them…haha!!) go back to the 80s. I have such great memories listening to their music in my high school days, and then my college days with my good friend Lisa, and beyond. They are on my favorite list, and I have not ever stopped loving their music. In my book, they are so beyond cool, but I have not been listening to them for a bit of time. Well, that has all changed as of last night. I absolutely love the feeling I get when I listen to their music…fantastic, great, awesome, love it…love it…

First off, this song, Make A Memory, is fantastic. There is so much emotion tied up into this song with the actual words (so much meaning), and also with the complete package of the melody, harmony and rhythm of the music itself. Beyond that, my goodness, Jon Bon Jovi remains addictive in voice and looks. Oh yes, I swooned over him years ago, and he still has that effect just not in the same exact teenage type way. So yes, I will admit, I do enjoy watching the man play music, but really, if he did not have the voice, the lyrics and beat to back him up….well…not the same. I will note here, I do appreciate Richie Sambora. I could not imagine the band without Sambora’s amazing talent. Really, the whole band is what makes their music rockin!!

What do you think of this song?

Bonus…Bonus…

Can not help myself, but while I am very much into listening to Bon Jovi today, I need to share this jammin song with you too. If you read these posts, then you know that I gravitate towards songs that have an incredible pull of strength in lyrics, meaning, some sort of get up and rock and while your at it… don’t let others rule over you type of stuff. Anyway, these type of songs makes me want to move around, and then I also just feel great belting out the lyrics right along with the song. Which, so you know, I really cannot sing, but sure do enjoy it when I am by myself or purposefully trying to torture my growing children.

Have a Nice Day is this sort of song for me…It is a great song!!!

What have you been listening to this past week?

Whatcha Thinking Thursday

Whatcha Thinking Thursday, hosted by Kate @ A Reader’s Ramblings!

Every Thursday or so for me, WTT will be a post about something book related, or otherwise that is something that I am pondering upon. An idea, a thought, a question, a suggestion…something that just will not go away.

This week, Kate is thinking about genres; check out Kate’s blog to read her thoughts, and what others are thinking.

While I have pondered upon genres, this week I have found myself thinking a bit more about my inability to choose a book.

Lately, I have been feeling a bit unsettled with my reads. What do I mean by unsettled? Well, I just cannot settle down into one book. You know, feast my eyes onto a page, and just read, and read until the book is complete without any thought towards the book I want to read next, or the book I was just reading. Rather, I have been reading a bit here in one book, and a bit there in another book.

Currently, I have 4 books going, and I am reading poetry, and my Bible. See…I cannot settle. I have become very flighty with my books. This is so not like my reading style. Nope, two books…maybe….but not 4 and other misc. reading. Geesh.

While I really do like Book One a whole bunch, and am very engrossed in the read during the reading, I am also having no issues setting it aside to read a bit out of a different book. The same goes for Book Two, and Book Three…well…Book Three is apart of a series that I seem to be devouring right up. This series is a fun, entertaining fluff read….not fluff in a bad way, but fluff in the sense that I don’t have to think to terribly hard on the plot, meanings, or anything such. In between the books of this series, I will alternate between the two other books. What about the fourth book? Well, Book Four is on audio so I have been listening to it when driving while also at the same time thinking about wanting to actually sit down with said book,and loose myself into the story. I don’t though because I really want to finish up Book One and Two first. Wait though. I already have two other books ready to go once Book One and Two are done so it seems that the audiobook may just stay on audio. Are you following? Probably not. Suffice it to say, I really am not solidly settling down with any one book, and it is not because I don’t like the four books, nope, quite the opposite.

So…what’s up with all that? Have you ever found yourself in a similar reading funk, or am I alone on this whacked reading island?

Starvation Lake by Bryan Gruley

Starvation Lake
by Bryan Gruley
Copyright 2009
Pages 370
Source: Library copy
Read for my interest in Chicago Authors

Back Cover:
In the dead of a Michigan winter, pieces of a snowmobile wash up near the crumbling, small town of Starvation Lake -- the same snowmobile that went down with Starvation's legendary hockey coach years earlier. But everybody knows Coach Blackburn's accident happened five miles away on a different lake. As rumors buzz about mysterious underground tunnels, the evidence from the snowmobile says one thing: murder.

Gus Carpenter, editor of the local newspaper, has recently returned to Starvation after a failed attempt to make it big at the Detroit Times. In his youth, Gus was the goalie who let a state championship get away, crushing Coach's dreams and earning the town's enmity. Now he's investigating the murder of his former coach. But even more unsettling to Gus are the holes in the town's past and the gnawing suspicion that those holes may conceal some dark and disturbing secrets secrets that some of the people closest to him may have killed to keep.

First Sentence:
You can never look into their eyes.

I don’t read mystery, not really, and I don’t know why, but this genre just does not naturally call out to me. So, with that in mind, I am very unsure as to when the last time I read a mystery book. Knowing that I don’t lean towards mystery, then why did I decide to read Starvation Lake? What was it about this book that called out to me? Two things, plain, simple, and straight forth:


1. Bryan Gruley was going to be at my local B&N bookstore on Friday, August 27th, and I like to attend author events. Actually, I think I have become a bit of an author event junkie, even though I don’t attend that many. I attend those events when I actually know something about the author, and I am not already busy with work.

2. Bryan Gruley resides in the Chicagoland area. That means he is relatively a local author. I have been wanting to read books by local authors, but I am fairly unaware as to who are the authors in my area. Jen at Devourer of Books has a Chicago Author Month going on right now, and back in August, I knew that this would be happening...I am very interested.

Now, with all of that background information, it should make sense as to why I plunged into reading Starvation Lake. I figured, if I was to attend the B&N author event, then I ought to at least read his book, and his book seemed a good starting point on my journey to read local authors’ work.

*******************************************

Starvation Lake turned out to be a pleasant surprise for me. I was immediately drawn into the story, and was engaged throughout the whole read. I found that I felt like I was following Gus along as he tried to figure out the truth behind a local tragedy, as well as trying to put behind a personal downfall. Since I felt like I was following along with him, the digging up the truth came in bits and parts as it occurred for Gus. I really liked that. I liked trying to understand, and figure out the details, the whys and hows of what was going on.

I cannot talk to the intricacies of a mystery read, but I can tell you that I did not have this story figured out at all. It kept me wondering, questioning, and trying to put the pieces of this puzzle together all the way to the end of the read.

I am not certain where this story stands with other mystery books, but for me it was a good one. I was immersed into the story so much that I know that I want to read the sequel, The Hanging Tree. I also now know that I should keep mystery books in my realm of reading.

Starvation Lake was a fantastic and engaging read. I thoroughly
enjoyed the story, and want to read more about Gus.

What about the author event?
It was fantastic! Seriously, Bryan Gruley is very down to earth, and I found him rather intriguing. I was fascinated by his telling of how he came to writing stories, and the process that it took in order to have his latest book, The Hanging Tree, published. Fascinating, indeed. I really enjoyed his talk. What’s more, I enjoyed those who participate in my local B&N book club, so much so, that I want to participate in their monthly meetings. I am hoping to attend the October book club discussion of Room.

Winners of The Historian….

Hey, hey, hey…
Thanks to random.org, I do indeed have two winners for The Historian!! Yay!

The winners are….

Elise @ Bookish Delights
Mystica @ Mystica

Congrats Elise and Mystica!
I hope you like the book as much as I am thus far in my reading.

Please email me at ibeeeg(at)gmail(dot)com with your address within 48hrs.

Happy Reading!

Special Needs: Part Five – The 2010/2011 School Year Journey, The IEP Amendment…

Life with IJ is always proving to be quite the journey, quite the adventure. There seems to be always something to attend to on a daily basis. Then add his siblings into the mix; our neurotypical children whose needs vary with the age, and situations. Whose needs, many of times, are pushed a bit into the background, yet we should not do that. The needs of his 15-year old sister (yep, she proves time and time again…she has needs), 13-year old sister (the one in the bunch whose needs seems to slide by us….not always, mind you, but the most likely), 11-year old sister (I think she is the most stable one, currently, in regards to immediate need for attention), 4-year old sister (her age already implies that she is the second most neediest child in the family, and also the one we are least likely to ignore), 20-year old brother (saved him for last…seems that he should be the least neediest, and he is but oh that is the danger….not communicating with him. Currently, he is a bit irksome in the communication department). Anyhow, the point of bringing IJ’s siblings to light in this post is to point out that not only are we trying to stay on top of his needs, we are also trying to stay on top of his siblings’ needs…whose needs are not so blatantly, and in your face evident. This can lead to exhaustion on my part. Yeah, if the 15-year old is reading this she would not have much empathy towards me thus making evident to me her needs. See how that all goes around. Anyway, so far, since the beginning of this school year, the siblings are doing pretty good…thankfully…but still require attention. While IJ, on the other hand, has required far more from us: 2 school meetings, and a classroom observation. That may not seem like much, but in between those meetings there has been daily teacher communication, psychiatrist appointment, emailing with a supervisor, and school psychologist, pondering of his school needs, and my current big worry…pondering of his need to see a dentist while all the long dealing with the daily need to achieve some balance with his behaviors.

So, how is the year going so far? Well, good, not so good, and good. Let me break it down a bit…

Open House:
The day before the fist day of school…around August 24th…. IJ’s class held an open house. I have to say, I was very impressed. Why? First off, the entire classroom staff was present. That was a first for us. This included his teacher, and two assistants. Beyond them, the class assigned social worker, OT, and few other school related people were there. This is fabulous as it allowed us to get an idea of who the people would be that would have some hands on with IJ. Not that I remembered the names. Nope, I am not good at names. Still, it was good to get an idea. Not only did numerous staff attend the open house, so did the parents. What? Parents attend open house? I kid you not, through out IJ’s schooling, I have often wondered about the parents as I would never see them…not even at an open house. This was a refreshing experience.

The first few weeks passed, and during that time, I inquired about IJ”s amendment implementation. The amendment that gave IJ daily speech, 1:1 for 2 1/2 hours a day, 4 times per week. I also inquired about the start time for his Functional Behavior Assessment. The amendment…well, let me say….not good, but I will get to that in a moment. The FBA…well, they were on top of that and planned to start the process within the first weeks of September, but still….more on that.

The IEP Amendment...

As concise as I can be which really is not a strong suit of mine… the supervisor requested an IEP meeting to talk about the implementation of the amendment…the who,and hows. I emailed back and forth with her, and finally, I decided that I was tired of not being direct as I was not really receiving an exact answer to my question. I then finally asked: “Are these speech services as described in his amendment going to be implemented after the meeting? Or are you having this meeting in order to drop this amendment? “ Her reply: I am not going to quote her here as I am not certain that would be appropriate, but I will tell you that she led me to the impression that they are not looking to drop the amendment. Rather, they want to clarify how his speech services would be implemented. I will say, after much emailing back and forth, reading IDEA, and pondering upon IJ’s needs…I was still a bit stunned that when all is said and down…the IEP meeting results were to drop the amendment. No dicing words here. If the team is changing up his speech minutes…decreasing them…then dropping the amendment is exactly what is being done.

I was mislead…that is a polite way of saying what I truly think. Through discussion during the IEP meeting; the team wanted the following…. 480 direct minutes/month. This would break down to 5-20 minute 1:1 weekly therapy with a SLP, and 1-30 minute 2:1 weekly therapy with a SLP. Do the math…does not add up to 480, rather it is 520, but yet they did not want to put 520 in his minutes. Strange. IJ’s current speech therapist stated that she believed that the way his services are currently being implemented (as just described) was appropriate for him to make appreciable gains. I, therefore, insisted that it should be written into his IEP the breakdown of how his speech services would be implemented. Why this insistence? Last year taught me that if it is not written into the IEP as to how they will implement his minutes then the team can freely implement them however they deem at a given time or moment regardless of our thoughts. The supervisor did comply with my request, she wrote the breakdown into the notes section of the IEP.

While I heard what the team was saying, we still were not prepared for this change. Nor could my husband and I talk about this change…in private. Nor could we hash this over with my Dad, and Jody who attend all of IJ’s meetings with us. Towards the end of the meeting, I requested that Robert and I, along with my Dad and Jody be given the opportunity to discuss this proposal in private due to the fact that we were not prepared for this meeting as we were not properly informed of the true intent of the IEP meeting. They gave us time, we took about 15-minutes…not on purpose; we seriously discussed the proposal. When they entered the room, I told them that because we were unprepared, we needed time to process this information, to understand it better…to think. We would not agree, at that time, to go forward with their proposal. I signed the part on the IEP form that states that “we do not agree to waive the 10 day requirement before a change can occur.”

That is exactly what we took….the 10-days. I called a special needs advocate who works under a lawyer, and asked her many questions. I did not call her because I thought that the proposed speech minutes were horrible. Actually, after sitting through his AT meeting which immediately took place after the IEP meeting, we were somewhat fine with the actual ST minutes as described in the implementation breakdown. Our concern was that they broke trust with me by not being direct about the true intent of the meeting. I was angry, to say the least, and exhausted. Just because a person is considered a professional does not necessarily make them the expert on my child, and besides, we as IJ’s parents are, by law, considered apart of the team. I take that seriously, therefore, that means the team should take us seriously which I don’t think really and truly occurs in special education. Sure, they listen to what we say, but they make decisions before we even speak….that is then not taking us seriously. Based on that already well ingrained feeling, if a supervisor or whoever on the team thinks that they do not need to be completely truthful with me…well…that really does not sit right. It does not sit right that they even have the gall to think that they could bulldoze us over. We do have other major concerns with IJ for which I am not certain they are seeing as concerns, nor as part of his whole total being, which in some small slight way, the amendment gave me hope that those needs would be addressed. This is also another reason why we could not be in agreement with the purposed change.

With all of this admission about being angry, I want to be clear…we are rational people, and will take advice from the professionals in IJ’s life, but we want rationale, and not just a stock answer or an answer because that is how it has been done with all other kids in his “group”. Rationales for the suggestions/proposals/plans do go an extremely long way with me….with us.

Bottom line: We accepted the IEP change. We wrote a letter to be placed in his IEP to state our acceptance, and our reason as to why we would not waive the 10-days. We will keep tabs on his progress.

How is IJ’s speech? He is making gains, that is for sure. He is speaking in longer utterances ( up to 4 words) and is becoming a bit more intelligible. With those gains, there are also still many moments of unintelligibility, and many 2-word utterances. He has a long way to go.

I also am starting to solidly think that IJ does not always process, or understand what is being told to him. Along with that, I think that even with the language he does possess, he does not know how to fully access it when a situation demands this of him. Some examples: He says a lot of “Huh?” Yes, I know this is normal for many of us, but with him…I think it is a bit more beyond buying time. Also, at snack time he is to request what he would like by saying: “I want xxx.” I observed that IJ, while he can say the words “I” and “want” does not seem to be able to string them together for his request without prompting or modeling. Also, at times, IJ will ask the same question over and over again…to the point that I think that maybe, possibly, our answer is not sinking in….he does not fully understand it….maybe. This is beyond his need to perseverate on a topic.

There a few other language issues, one being his need for “off topic” conversation. He often will want to insistently talk about something that has nothing to do with what we are doing, or requiring of him. Yes, at times, we all do this. With IJ though, this goes beyond the typical off topic conversation. He does not clue into what the other person wants to talk about, the situation, etc. Regardless of the moment, if there is something he wants to talk about he will INSIST that it be talked about, and talked about, and talked about. However, even with the persistence, there are many times that if we do allow his off topic conversation he will drop it once we thoroughly go through it on the first run. Once he is done with the off topic conversation, we then can pull him into the activity at hand if need be, but there other times that he will still want to go his own way.

Due to the length of this so very concise post… haha…I did warn you that conciseness is not my strong point…I have decided to post, in parts, about IJ’s beginning of school year experiences.

Next up: IJ’s Assistive Technology meeting in which meetings can be positive.

Song of the Week: Stop

This week’s song was difficult to pick, and not because my options were slim. Nope, this week, I had two problems. First problem, yes, I am still a bit obsessive, if you will, over a certain band. I wanted something different for you, if not for me. Second problem, the music that I am being drawn to beyond my “obsession” is fantastic, and I am liking every song on their new album!

Jimmy Eat World has just released a new album, Invented. I have been listening to this album for about two weeks, and I am really liking all the songs. By the way, what a name. When I first heard ‘Jimmy Eat World’, I thought, “weird”. Now, the name, Jimmy Eat World, sounds catchy, sounds cool. This band is new-to-me so you can imagine that I did a ton of youtube listening, and I have come to the conclusion that not only am I completely diggin’ their new album, I am diggin’ all their music. Thrilling. :D

This week’s song, Stop, was chosen simply because it was the first song on the Invented album that really caught my attention, and since I could not choose which song I liked best on the album, I went with this one. What do you think?

What are you listening to? Do you have a song of the week?

Mini-Reviews: Rumor Has It, Birthmarked, and Among the Hidden

I have read, during August, some fabulous books that I would like to highlight in this post…finally. Each book is different from the other. One is a contemporary- romance fiction read, another is a YA dystopian read, while the last one is a middle-grade dystopian read. Where is the difference in the dystopian books? The difference is in the worlds, the detail, the length, the trials and tribulations.
I have not been much into writing reviews lately, and thought about letting these books pass by without mention, but I could not. I need to give a shout out to Rumor Has It, Birthmarked, and Among the Hidden because I really enjoyed reading all three books, and thought others may enjoy them as well.

Rumor Has It
by Jill Mansell
copyright 2010
Pages 404, pb
Source: Giveaway Win

Backcover:
Newly single, Tilly Cole impulsively accepts a job offer in a small town as a “Girl Friday.” Fun job, country house, fresh start, why not? But soon she finds herself in a hotbed of gossip, intrigue, and rampant rivalry for the town’s most desirable bachelor – Jack Lucas……

This was a fun, fun read. I enjoyed every page of the story. Was it predictable? Yes, it sure was but not in an annoying way. It was predictable in a fun, and "I am glad I am reading this book” way. I think what I loved best about this book is that our protagonist, Tilly, was never dull or annoying. She had set values and interests, and while she truly wanted the fabulously gorgeous man, she was not willing to give in to her lusty desires. Another factor within these pages that made this book fantastic was the relationships. Yep, the relationships were there, and far too often in romance type books, the development of relationships suffers, but not in this book. There are several relationship angles going on: Tilly with her best friend, Tilly with her employer and his daughter, Tilly with the gorgeous man, best friend with her boyfriend, best friend with boyfriend’s ex. The story centered on the relationships rather than the “romance” of lust which leads to another fantastic part of the book. The romance was beyond lust, it was a developing relationship and it took time. There was no jumping into bed scenes. Yep, I enjoyed this fun read. I look forward to reading more stories by Jill Mansell.

Birthmarked
by Caragh M. O’Brien
copyright 2010
Pages 360, pb ARC
Source: ARC book given to me by my friend

Goodreads Description:
After climate change, on the north shore of Unlake Superior, a dystopian world is divided between those who live inside the wall, and those, like sixteen-year-old midwife Gaia Stone, who live outside. It’s Gaia’s job to “advance” a quota of infants from poverty into the walled Enclave, until the night one agonized mother objects, and Gaia’s parents are arrested.
Badly scarred since childhood, Gaia is a strong, resourceful loner who begins to question her society…..

I loved, loved this dystopian book. There are so many great things about this read. First off, the world-building was great. I was able to bring myself into Gaia’s world; it was believable. The premise of the problem was greatly intriguing. I found myself hoping and wishing for Gaia to endure, to conquer. She was a compelling character, to say the least. I felt her confusions, anxiety, and determination. From the first sentence, I was hooked into the story. I read the book in one day, read into the wee hours as I could not put it down. I needed to know what would be the outcome. While the ending gave me mixed emotions...not a dislike for the ending just plain and simple mixed emotions....it was satisfying; it fit the story. Even so, there is a huge part of me that is hoping for a second book because I want to know more; it did end on a small cliffhanger. Even so, Birthmarked does not need a sequel. A fantastic book, worth the sleep trade-off.

Among the Hidden
The Shadow Children, book one
by Margaret Peterson Haddix
copyright 1998
Pages 153, pb
Source: Borrowed from a friend (Jody)

Backcover:
Luke has never been to school. He's never had a birthday party, or gone to a friend's house for an overnight. In fact, Luke has never had a friend. Luke is one of the shadow children, a third child forbidden by the Population Police. He's lived his entire life in hiding, and now, with a new housing development replacing the woods next to his family's farm, he is no longer even allowed to go outside.
Then, one day Luke sees a girl's face in the window of a house where he knows two other children already live. Finally, he's met a shadow child like himself. Jen is willing to risk everything to come out of the shadows -- does Luke dare to become involved in her dangerous plan? Can he afford not to?

I was not sure what to expect from this book. I knew that Jody gave me the third book of the Shadow Children series, Among the Betrayed, and then I saw that The League of Extraordinary Writers chose the first book, Among the Hidden, for their book of the month in July. I thought, why not, I should give this series a go; Jody had the first book sitting on her shelf, and to my home it came. Again, I was not sure what to expect; the book looks a bit boring. Let me tell you, boring it is not. This small, 153 pages, book packed a whole lot of suspense and intrigue. I was caught up into the life of Luke, and the reasons behind why he needed to stay hidden from the outside world, the reasons behind his parents’ fear of the government.. While younger, he was allowed to play in his backyard, but then the restrictions were tightened, and eventually he was only allowed in the attic. Sounds cruel and heartless of the parents, does it not? Cruel yes...heartless, no. Luke, however, is unable to contain himself. He is a twelve-year boy that wants to know more even though he greatly fears the unknown. By the end of the story, I felt greatly for Luke, his parents, and those whom he came to know. The story’s ending certainly has left me wanting to know more; left me hoping for Luke. I have a feeling that as this series goes on, Luke is going to be one fabulous protagonist. Among the Hidden is a fast-paced book that makes for an excellent middle-grade dystopian read.

Special Needs: Part Five – about me…

Note: Let's Talk: Special Needs will be posted in parts. If you have not done so already, you may like to read the previous part... part one, part two-a, part two-b, part two-c, part two-d, part three, networking and support, part four – 2009/2010

Last time I wrote, IJ was about to start school for the year, and I stated that it felt like we were on standby. That was only seven weeks ago. It feels like eons ago. A lot has happened.

This post was originally going to be about what has occurred during the first seven weeks of school, but it quickly became apparent to me that what I really needed to do, at this time, was to write about me…my emotions, my thoughts.
Next week will be about IJ; the ups and downs with the beginning of this school year.

Part of me still struggles with IJ’s issues. I don’t struggle with his obvious issue; speech impairment, his Apraxia. There is no way to struggle with that one because it is real and in your face on a daily basis. I struggle with his other issues that are not so obvious until you start to spend some time with him. I struggle with his diagnosis of Pervasive Development Disorders - Not Otherwise Specified, not because I don’t think it isn’t accurate, at least not on an intellectual level. I struggle with that diagnosis because I emotionally view IJ as a “normal” kid with a “few issues”. It is very hard to describe this feeling, I just know it is there. The thing is, every time my mind is eons away from a thought of his PDD-NOS diagnosis, I come across something…a blog post, or an innocent statement comes my way, and boom…it is there, IJ does indeed have PDD-NOS.

I was reading a fantastic post by Lynn at My Life as an Ungraceful, Unhinged, and Unwilling Draftee into the Autism Army. Lynn was interviewed by the blog The Claw. The interview centered around Autism, and it hit home with me. First let me say, I think Lynn is incredibly awesome. She puts her thoughts out there on her blog in such a real, in your face, no holds barred type of way. I appreciate this. She also has been someone who has helped me greatly via her blog and email. I view her as an ambassador of sorts for parents of children who are on the autism spectrum. The interview hit home with me because as I read through it I said…”Check, yep that is IJ. Nope, not IJ. Check, similar to IJ.” “Nope, not IJ” and on. Boom…PDD-NOS was once again real to me.

Another time that I was hit in the head with the PDD-NOS diagnosis was when I was explaining to IJ’s teacher about my idea that IJ does not anticipate…I say… “IJ is missing what I call the anticipation factor.” I have been saying this for years. His teacher’s reply was something like… “Well, all the kids in this room have that problem.” Me, I was a bit confused…is she talking about the same thing as I was? Nah…most people don’t get what I am saying in this regard. I explained further what I was talking about. She in return said something along the line of “Yes, I know what you are saying. All our kids have this issue. It is one of the symptoms of autism.” Me…in my head was going… “Ummm..what? What? No…no…I wasn’t talking about anything at all related to the spectrum. Ummm….what?” Slam…PDD-NOS hits me. While all the time I smiled at her and shook my head in agreement to show that I understood what she was saying.

I always say that IJ is a very social boy; he is, but he is also missing some big social pieces. Today, it hit me. IJ has aggression issues; he has had these issues since I can remember. One of the things that we have always said is that it seems that IJ does not fully comprehend that he actually hurts people when he hits them, etc. He does have empathy for others when he is not apart of the other person’s hurt. He understands that he gets a reaction from a person when he is aggressive towards them, but that he actually hurts them…ummm…no, I do not believe he understands this. Also, when we are upset with IJ for something he does wrong; a simple scolding with a change in our tone has never seemed to effect him. However, if our intensity of anger increases, and our voice raises (people would call this yelling at our kid), and if we grab his arm in a firm grasp (people would call this too firm) then IJ gets that we are angry. He is learning, but still, for the most part, he does not respond or get our anger without the external influences that I just described. Here is the thing, I thought that IJ was pretty okay on the social aspect of things except for some nuisances, but here is the deal…what I have just describe relates to IJ lacking social skills…PDD-NOS once again.

Another area that I find myself struggling with is…
Parents compare their children with other children all the time. Well, I think the comparison is most prevalent when the kids are young… “My Johnny walked by time he is 6 months” “My Jane was talking by time she was 18 months” The list goes on. We as parents also judge other parents based on how their children behave. I know this, I live this…being judged. The thing is, we should not do this. Every child, typical or not, has different strengths and weaknesses. Not only that, we tend to see other children in a snapshot type of view and base their whole being upon that snapshot. Not good, not fair.

Still though, I compare. Yes, I do. I compare my son with typical children. I think, “ wow, such and such mom, are you aware at how amazing it is that your son/daughter can do such and such task/skill?” I have that inner thought a lot. I also struggle greatly when friends of typical children tell me about the leaps and bounds of their child. I celebrate with them, I do. I am thrilled that Janie is learning this, or learning that. Really, I am. Yet, I can not help but wonder about my own child. I cannot help but wonder, “Do you fully realize what a blessing it is that Janie, with relative little effort, was able to accomplish such and such?” I feel joy for them, but I also feel a sense of loss for me…for IJ.

I also have thoughts towards my own daughter…the youngest. I think, when she accomplishes something…”Wow. It happens that easily?” Of course, I know that it does; I do have older children, but they are older and removed from this age. Today, GD told me the following in regards to a cd we borrowed from the library… “I want that music to go back. It is awful music. I was listening to it with SA, and SM (she says their names), and it is terrible music.” I thought, “Wow. What great language. Really? Four year olds use words like awful, and terrible? Geesh, this ability to speak is easy for her.” And…with these thoughts my mind goes to IJ and his loss.

Do I dwell of these thoughts, these comparisons? I want this to be very clear… No, I do not dwell. These thoughts are fleeting, and happen in the moment, but they do feel a bit like a slam to me.

Recently, this comparing has changed just tad bit. I found this fabulous blog, and believe me when I say that I love reading all of the posts. I truly do. Yet, there are so many times that I think… “Wow, look at what she can do. She can talk, she can express herself, and she seems to be able to write.” then I go on to think… “she has it so much better than IJ.” but then almost immediately I stop myself and think, “yes, she can communicate far more efficiently, and effectively than IJ, but this is snapshot Deanna. I am sure there are other struggles that are not struggles for IJ. They are individuals with different strengths and weaknesses.” Yet, on some level I cannot stop the envy I feel about the fact that this child is verbal, she can communicate albeit not always in the expected normal manner. I also envy that she seems to be doing well cognitively with academics. Yes, I admit…this is a problem, and I should not allow these thoughts, but they are there, and they pop into my head without any pre-thought from me. Still, I do…really….I do celebrate these strengths for this child. I also do not dwell on this issue of mine, but it is still real.

I think this is all a normal process that I am going through, and I think this is just one aspect of my life with IJ. I also think that it helps me to keep focus on our goal for IJ, and allows me some strength to prepare, and to be the advocate that I need to be for IJ.

What is the point of this post? Probably there is no real point…for you. For me….writing this all out helps me. Posting it for whoever comes across it? Well, there may be a person who struggles like I struggle, and maybe this will be helpful and encouraging in the sense that we, who struggle like this, are not alone. Ultimately, I am being selfish, and this post is for me, and for those who surround me to have an understanding of my psyche…for me.

Let me not stop this post on a down note. Let me say, I do celebrate IJ as he is making gains even amongst his numerous struggles. I celebrate his joy, his beauty, his desire to love, and be loved. I celebrate his eyes, his smile, his laugh, his humor. I celebrate his innocence, and am thankful that he does not seem to worry that he is different from his typical developing peers. I do celebrate IJ….everyday.

Tag! You’re it.

So, I have been tagged by Sue @ Great Books for Kids and Teens. I was reading her “tag” post; finding interest in her answers, and then I saw that she tagged me. Hmmm…. then she left me a comment confirming that I have indeed been tagged. Well, this ought to be fun, for me at least, and hopefully for you too.

Let’s roll…

Rules of the game:

Accept the tag and link to the tagger at the beginning of your post.

Answer the questions honestly in your post by listing four things.

Pass on the love by picking four other people to tag and listing them at the bottom of your post.

Notify them that you tagged them.

4 Things That Are In My Bag (my bag is more than a purse, and use to be a backpack)

- My daily paper planner. Yep, it is paper; sort of miss my Smartphone. The planner seems to get filled up with junk notes.

- My “purse” which is my little bag within “my bag”. Anyway, I take it into the store with me; contains my money, and place for my keys.

- A folder; contains paperwork, perifax stuff, and IJ stuff, and other miscellaneous information that I think I may need at some unannounced given point…”sure, Deanna, not happening, just get rid of the stuff”.

- A book; always a book is with me. Currently, The Historian is traveling around everywhere I go.

4 Favorite Things In My Bedroom:

- Laptop..I have a little nook under my bed that I place this treasure when it is not in use…”hands off IJ!” :)

- Books…ummm…many,many books reside in this room. Once, a few years back, I had more books in the bedroom than there was space.

- Three beds; well, really, two beds, and one floor bed. Yes, I have two children who sleep in my room, and really, it is of no issue for Robert and I. Oh yeah, the two children are not the teenagers; no worries there. ha.

- Jewelry Box; not any jewelry box, this one is a beauty which was given to me by Mom. I cannot recall the occasion for which this was gifted to me …Mom, help me out and remind me.

- (ssh…pretend this is number 4b and not 5 hehe). I have 3 photos in one frame of me with the kids and Robert while I was pregnant with Grace. It was taken when I was 9 months pregnant, and I treasure the beauty of my last pregnancy. Okay, I did not feel the beauty at the moment, but I do now that I am far removed from the 9 month prison chamber of being a host. :D

4 Things On My Desk Nightstand:

(I don’t have a desk)

- A bottle of water; it must be Ice Mountain water

-Phones; house, and cell

- Books including my Bible

- A pink basin, like the one you get in a hospital. It is my catch all for misc. books, journals (blank, with intention to be written in), and magazine.

4 Things I've Always Wanted To Do (but haven't yet):

- Own a few acres of land; own a horse, and a nice home.
(sure, this does equal three things, but really, they are a package)

- Travel all over the US and Canada…with the kids, and without.

- Travel to Ireland/Scotland/England… with the kids, and without.

- Travel to Australia…with the kids, and without.

4 Things I Enjoy Very Much At the Moment

- Reading

- Camping

- Music

- Cycling

4 Songs I Can't Get Out Of My Head:

hmm…this changes, depending on the time, and moment.
For now, keep in mind, I did just see one fantastic concert. :) And currently, I also have a tiny bit of an YouTube obsession with these songs, and many,many more!

- Knights of Cydonia

- Plug In Baby

- Time Is Running Out

- Uprising

4 Things You Don't Know About Me:

- I am a Registered Nurse, and work on an OB unit; labor and delivery, postpartum, etc.

- I was enlisted in the Navy (reserves) as a Hospital Corpsman during the 90s.

- From the ages of 13 – 19, I worked with horses at a local stable; mucked out stalls, fed, groomed, and rode horses. I was given the opportunity to show them as well. Oh yeah, I did not own a horse so it was pretty cool that these people took me in under their wing and afforded me lots of opportunities. Many memories…cool indeed.

- I come from a family of five children. I have one sister, and three brothers; I am the middle child. My siblings have given me 4 nieces, and 2 nephews. Two of my brothers, and one sister live locally while my oldest brother lives in Israel. I have never lived anywhere but here. :)

4 Bloggers I am Tagging:

This is the hard part. I have met so many fantastic bloggers, and several have become friends via email. I am not certain who would go for this Tag game, but hoping that I am choosing correctly….

1. Suey at It's All About Books
2. Alaine at Queen of Happy Endings
3. Tedyree at The Eclectic Reader
4. Nise at Under The Boardwalk
   
   

Okay-dokey …. Tag, you're it! Hope you have fun, but if you choose to not play… we are cool…no worries.

Movies I Have Watched: Depp obsession, Burton direction, Animation, and a New Fixation…Torchwood

When one is home from work sick, and can not concentrate on reading, what can one do in between periods of sleep? Watch movies.
It seems that this past weekend was a movie weekend for me spurred on by being sick. It also seems that I was in the mood for Johnny Depp; a few of his movies were in order, and if more were available via instant stream then it would have been a weekend of only Johnny Depp. Not only did I gravitate towards Depp movies, it seems that I also gravitated towards the movies Depp did with Tim Burton. Which in turn also means that these couple of movies featured Helena Bonham Carter. This all sums up to a fantastic movie watching weekend.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Release date: 2005
Rating: PG
Source: Own

Netflix Description:
Lucky boy Charlie Bucket (Freddie Highmore) is one of five golden-ticket holders treated to a tour of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory in Tim Burton's reimagining of Roald Dahl's classic children's book of the same name. Along with the other four (rather naughty) contest winners, good-hearted Charlie visits the factory and encounters fantastical candy creations, Oompa Loompas and the fascinating Wonka (Johnny Depp) himself.

I love, love this movie. I find this movie fun all the way from the silliness of the children’s folly through the quirkiness of Willy Wonka. Yep, I love the quirkiness of Willy Wonka; Depp does an awesome job,and frankly, I could not picture any other actor undertaking this role in the manner and with the fantastic delivery that was given by Depp. I love the innocence, and integrity of Charlie, and all of his family. Their lives, and story bring home the importance of family and doing for others. Yes indeed, I think this a lovely story that I do enjoy watching over, and over again. It seems that my 4-year old daughter, GD, agrees.

Corpse Bride
2005
Rating PG
Source: Own
Viewed for R.I.P. V Challenge

Netflix Description:
This animated Tim Burton tale set in 19th-century Europe centers on Victor (voiced by Johnny Depp), a young man who, just as he's about to wed Victoria (Emily Watson), is sucked into the underworld by a Corpse Bride (Helena Bonham Carter) who desires him for herself. Victor is fascinated by the Land of the Dead, but nothing can stop him from trying to return to his true living love. Albert Finney and Christopher Lee also lend their voices.

I really like these type of Tim Burton movies, and okay sure, I did not really see Johnny Depp, but I did get to relish his voice. :D
I really liked the dark, romantic nature of this movie. An endearing story laced with the darkness that only Tim Burton seems to know how to deliver is such delight. This movie was not quite as GD, and IJ friendly as Charlie and Chocolate Factory; it was a bit spooky and intense for them at times. Yep, even for me there definitely was some intense and spooky moments; Tim Burton style, but the movie was also balanced out nicely with sweet, calm, and humorous moments, albeit weird.
Beyond some of the intense moments, GD, and EJ (11-year old) watched the movie intently; they liked it. IJ, well, not his cup of tea; too intense, and spooky for his taste.
Overall, I thought this was a fun movie to watch; I enjoyed it greatly.

I also watched a few movies without my favorite actor... ::sigh::

The Secret of Kells
Release date: 2009
Rating: NR
Source: Netflix Instant Streaming

Netflix Description:
When Vikings attack an Irish abbey, the monks must stop work on the legendary Book of Kells and protect their home.
So Brendan (voiced by Evan McGuire), the 12-year-old nephew of Abbott Cellach (Brendan Gleeson), is tasked with completing the magnificent work.
Now, he must confront his most intense fears as he uses his illumination skills and braves the enchanted forest outside the abbey walls in this exhilarating, Oscar-nominated animated tale.

Sooo...this movie was a bit meh for me…to start, and then it captured me with the story, artistic animated visuals, and with the Celtic music. The animation is great; it takes after the style of the Book of Kells which I found appealing. The story was a bit lacking, in the beginning, but then the pace picked up, and so did my interest. I was not familiar with the Book of Kells before watching this movie, so I googled quickly during the slow beginning. I became familiar and with that a better understanding of the tale was gained. Overall, The Secret of Kells is an interesting tale, different from most tales that are told to us, here in our little sliver of the world. My 11-year old anime loving daughter, EJ, found this movie to be different than any other movie that she has seen. Different in regards to the actual animation style which in her opinion was really good. She, like me, thought the beginning of the story was slow, and that the pace picked up as well as her interest. There were a few spooky parts that seem status quo with Celtic myths which caught her attention, for sure. Overall, she really enjoyed this movie, and loved the music.

Torchwood: Season 1
Episode 1 - Everything Changes
Year Aired: 2006
Rating : TV-PG
Source: Netflix Instant Streaming

Netflix Description:
In this series that spun off from "Doctor Who," policewoman Gwen Cooper (Eve Myles) stumbles upon a secret organization known as Torchwood, a clandestine group led by the mysterious Capt. Jack Harkness (John Barrowman) that monitors alien activity on Earth. Cooper soon joins Harkness, tech expert Toshiko Sato (Naoko Mori) and medic Owen Harper (Burn Gorman) in their quest to protect Earth from invasion.

This is one freakin good show! Wow! Thanks to Netflix instant stream I was able to view this fantastic episode. I am hooked! Why? Suspense, murder, mystery, and science-fiction all jammed packed into one episode. Ummm...like whoa!

Gwen Cooper is an amazing character. Geesh the places she will go, and the situations she will confront. No way will you catch me doing the things she does...no way! The actress who plays Gwen, Eve Myles, well…she is fantastic, and by the way, I love her voice which adds a bit of fun into the show for me. Okay...that is Gwen, so now let me tell you about Captain Jack Harkness....smooth, smooth, smooth, and whoa the actor, John Barrowman, is hot, but maybe that is because the character is smooth, and...oh wait, I can't tell you anything more because if I do then episode 1 could be ruined for you.
Damn…Torchwood is one good show, and it was only episode 1 that I watched. Did you read that?…Episode 1...usually, for me, it takes a bit a time for a new show to find its groove, but not Torchwood. Once I hit the play button, the show was on the go!

For me, this is show is almost a bit too suspenseful, and eerie. Yet, I could not help it. I had to watch. The brilliance for sure is in the intelligent writing, and the quick action...yeah, I am hooked! Episode 2, here I come!

Side note: The rating for Torchwood is TV-PG, but I think it may be closer to TV-PG14…or somewhere in between. Maybe think a bit along the lines of the following shows: Law & Order: SVU, or CSI.
My understanding of TV ratings was taken from The TV Parental Guidelines.

Have you watched any good movies lately?