August 31, 2014
i woke up in a foul mood today. it was no good. our sunday morning bike ride didn't even get me out of my funk. that's not usual; bike riding always helps. not this morning. that's not good.
work has been troubling to me lately. nothing in particular. just a bunch of small stuff combined with my own personal stressors. troubling equates to a decreasing positive attitude. that's not good.
my response to a decreasing positive attitude, and my foul mood this morning was not good. i have stressors. i will wake up in a foul mood. what i do with my stressors, and less than appealing mood can make or break my outward behavior/responses.
i may not have a choice on what happens in my environment or how i wake up, BUT i do have a choice on how i will respond. frankly, my responses have sucked.
it's not about what happens at work. it's not about what happens at home. it really is about how i deal with whatever comes my way.
this past summer has been at higher levels of stress. i've taken some positive steps. bike riding has been huge in helping to keep my body and mind healthy. reading the Scriptures, seeking God, listening....my faith in Him has kept me grounded and filled with hope AND that has been the most important aspect for how i choose to respond. Still though, i do fail, too frequently. i have realized that the days when i really bomb are the days that i did not seek the Lord.
i have started praying during my commute to work. basically, it's a prayer of praise and thankfulness for who He is, and for calm, peace, wisdom for whatever comes my way that day, and then intercession for family and friends. in the morning, a psalm 119 prayer is spoken to God. these prayers have become a source of nourishment for my soul.
still, I struggle with my responses to a foul mood, and/or stress. it can be quite ugly. this morning, during the entire 22-mike bike ride, i was ugly. my husband is a patient and calm man. i confess to feeling shame for my behavior. i am grateful that he still seeks my company today.
i went to church this morning, grudgingly. i went because i felt an inside nudge to go and sit in His presence amongst His Church. i couldn't ignore the nudge; that felt out of sorts to even think of ignoring. i am grateful that obeyed that nudge.
my foul mood started to dissipate as our pastor started preaching. his message sunk in. as a christian - one who claims faith in Jesus, and truly desires to follow Him, and obey - we are called to be the salt and light of this earth. me? I have not been obeying His call, not truly, mostly in parts. when those tough or even just busy moments come along, the whole salt and light call becomes difficult to remember in the rush of the moment. i want that difficulty to become an instant call to God for strength, help, wisdom, etc.
during the sermon, i was convicted. i desire to please God, not for salvation purposes, but because i love Him and have faith in Him and want to obey. while our pastor was speaking, i thought of my workplace and how my attitude should and can improve. i thought of my personal life and there too my attitude needs improving.
• nehemiah --- I admire him. an incredible leader; a man of character. i want to be more like him; pray instantly to God instead of leaning on my own understanding.
• "...work at it with all your (my) heart, as working for the Lord...It is the Lord Christ you are (I am) serving." -Colossians 3:23-24-
• it is not about the job or the home or whatever, it is me -->> in all that i do, it should be for Jesus, first and foremost. that focus shifts me away from myself and circumstances and shifts my responses to reflect that i am working for the Lord, serving Him.
• "...whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." -1 Corinthians 10:31-
• salt and light --- those two words have convicted me.
this stuff is not easy; my human nature screams loudly, at times. i need to preach salt and light to myself,everyday.
i want to stand out for Jesus.
"You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."